Hi Leaders,
Let’s talk about one of the most overlooked leadership skills I know: Listening.
Not hearing.
Not nodding while you wait your turn.
I mean real, truth-facing, ego-stretching listening.
The kind that makes you slow down.
That makes you uncomfortable.
That might even change your mind.
And here’s what neuroscience confirms:
True listening activates the brain’s empathy network.
But when you interrupt, rush to fix, or default to control?
That circuit shuts down.
Psychological safety disappears.
So if you’re serious about allyship, here’s the truth:
It doesn’t start with what you say.
It starts with what you’re willing to hear.
And most leaders think they’re better at it than they are.
Because your team doesn’t just remember your most inspiring message.
They remember if you made space to hear theirs.
Four Signs You’re Actually Listening
→ You pause before reacting.
When something hits a nerve, you don’t shut it down. You breathe. You say, “Tell me more.”
→ You get curious, not defensive.
You ask, “What did I assume?” or “What’s their truth…not just mine?”
→ You don’t rush to fix.
Presence matters. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is stay in the room.
→ You follow through quietly.
You don’t make a scene about your growth. You show up differently next time.
This isn’t performative empathy.
It’s deep leadership work.
And it’s where allyship begins…not with your voice, but with your attention.
This Week’s Challenge: Listen Past Your Comfort Zone
Ask someone on your team:
“What’s something we haven’t talked about that you wish we had?”
Then pause.
Let the silence stretch.
Don’t fix. Don’t spin. Just listen.
Let what they say land.
Because allyship isn’t measured by how well you speak. It’s measured by how well you listen, and what you do next.
You’ve got this,
Stephanie
Your Ally in Leadership
