You Are Not Too Busy. You Are Making Exceptions for Yourself.

Hey Leader,

There is something interesting about successful leaders.

We can hold our teams to incredibly high standards and then give ourselves a pass when we fall short of those same standards.

We expect our people to communicate clearly. But when we are overwhelmed, we send the email that should have been a conversation.

We expect professionalism. But when we are frustrated, we walk into a meeting and make everybody uncomfortable.

We expect accountability. But when somebody questions our behavior, we start explaining how much pressure we are under.

Since when did having more responsibility mean having less accountability?

In this week’s episode of Not Like Me, I share a leadership mistake that has stayed with me for years. I was under pressure, focused on getting something done, and lost sight of how I was doing it.

Listen to the full episode here →

I share what happened and what my CEO said to me afterward. But there is another question I want to explore here.

Why do we excuse behavior in ourselves that we would never accept from the people we lead?

Because leaders, I know the pressure is real.

The deadlines. The decisions. The people depending on you.

But the people you lead are carrying things, too.

And if you would not accept them taking their frustration out on their colleagues, why would it be acceptable for you?

Your Brain Can Explain Your Behavior. It Cannot Excuse It.

When you are juggling multiple demands, your brain has more information to manage. That creates cognitive load.

And when your cognitive resources are stretched, it can become harder to pause, consider alternatives, and regulate your responses.

You may become impatient. You may react before you have all the information. You may focus so much on completing a task that you lose sight of how you are completing it.

Understanding that is important.

But an explanation is not an excuse.

If you snap at an employee because you are overwhelmed, the pressure may explain your reaction. It does not make it acceptable.

If you dismiss someone’s concern because you are behind schedule, the deadline may explain your distraction. It does not make their concern unimportant.

Neuroscience helps us understand what is happening.

Leadership requires us to decide what we are going to do about it.

Three Signs You Are About to Make a Bad Call

The goal is not to eliminate pressure. That is not realistic.

The goal is to recognize when pressure is affecting your judgment before you do something you regret.

Here are three warning signs I want you to watch for.

1. You are more focused on getting it done than getting it right.

You have a deadline, and all you can think about is checking that task off your list.

But completing the task and accomplishing the goal are not always the same thing.

Before you act, ask yourself:

“What is the real goal here, and does this decision support it?”

2. You are irritated by things that normally would not bother you.

Someone asks a reasonable question, and suddenly you are annoyed.

A team member needs clarification, and you have no patience.

Before you respond, ask yourself:

“Am I reacting to this person, or am I reacting to everything else I am dealing with today?”

Because your team should not have to pay for pressure they did not create.

3. You are about to do something you would normally question.

You are ready to send an email you would usually take more time to write.

You are making a decision without gathering information you would normally consider important.

Or you are avoiding a conversation because you simply do not want to deal with it.

Before you move forward, ask yourself:

“Would I be comfortable explaining this decision tomorrow, when the pressure is gone?”

If the answer is no, pay attention.

That may be your opportunity to make a different choice.

Your Title Makes Your Behavior Louder

Here is what makes this especially important for leaders.

The higher you move in an organization, the more weight your behavior carries.

You may think you made one frustrated comment.

Your team may spend the afternoon wondering whether something is wrong.

You may think you were simply being direct.

Someone else may decide it is safer not to bring you a concern.

And when people start managing your reactions instead of bringing you information, you have a problem.

Your people should not have to calculate your mood before they tell you the truth.

Because your team is learning from what you do, not just what you say.

If you expect accountability but constantly defend your own poor behavior, that contradiction becomes part of your culture.

And eventually, people stop expecting you to follow the same rules.

That is not leadership.

That is a double standard.

Here Is My Challenge to You

Think about the last time you were under serious pressure.

Did you say or do something you would have corrected if someone on your team had done it?

And if so, how did you explain it to yourself?

Were you tired? Overwhelmed? Running behind?

Now ask yourself whether you would accept that same explanation from someone who reports to you.

If the answer is no, you have some work to do.

Maybe you need to apologize.
Maybe you need to revisit a decision.
Maybe you need to change how you prepare for difficult conversations.

Whatever it is, take action.

Because good leaders are not people who never make bad calls.

They are people who recognize when they are heading in the wrong direction, take responsibility, and make a better choice.

The standard you set for your team should never be higher than the standard you are willing to meet yourself.

In this week’s episode of Not Like Me, I share the personal experience that reminded me just how easily pressure can affect our judgment and communication.

Listen to the episode here →