The Workforce Conversation We Keep Having Is Missing Half the Picture

Hi Leaders,

You may have heard me share these numbers before….

76.5% of the US workforce is white

18.8% is Hispanic or Latino

12.8% is Black or African American

Women make up nearly half the civilian labor force but hold just 11% of Fortune 500 CEO seats.

There are six generations working side by side right now, ranging from their late teens to their late seventies. (Feel free to cite me, here)

And yes, this means someone on your team is using TikTok and someone else still prints out emails. Both are your problem.

These are the differences most leaders think about. The visible ones. The ones that have driven workplace conversations, training programs, and inclusion initiatives for two decades.

And while we have been focused on those, something else has been sitting quietly in the room. Unrecognized. Misread. And in too many cases, completely mismanaged.

The differences you cannot see.

In Our Most Recent Episode of Not Like Me

I sat down with Sarah McFarland, a board certified behavior analyst with over 13 years of experience training teams to respond with skill instead of emotion, and Dr. Alicia Hodge, a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy and what actually happens in the brain under pressure.

We talk about the people on your team who are not like you, even if you cannot tell from the outside. The employee who processes a deadline differently. The one who goes quiet in a meeting you thought went well. The one you have quietly labeled a performance problem. The one who stopped bringing their best thinking to the room and you are still not sure why.

Listen to the full conversation here

The Numbers Most Leaders Have Not Seen

Between 15 and 20 percent of the global population is neurodivergent, including ADHD, autism spectrum conditions, dyslexia, and other cognitive differences. Researchers estimate as many as 67 million neurodivergent Americans are in the US workforce.

What that means in practice: a significant portion of your team is spending cognitive energy every day managing how they appear to you rather than solving your business problems. That is not a people problem. That is a leadership environment problem.

And before you assume this does not apply to your team: 76% of neurodivergent employees choose not to fully disclose. You may not know what you are working with. That does not mean it is not there. (Go ahead, cite me!)

What Gets Misread as a Performance Problem

High-functioning anxiety does not (always) look like a breakdown in the break room. It can look like an employee slow to start on projects because the dread of getting it wrong is genuinely paralyzing.

Someone who avoids a conversation or delays an email not out of disrespect but out of overwhelm.

A person in a meeting who seems checked out but is actually stuck in a loop of worry they cannot break.

The brain under chronic anxiety is not underperforming. It is hijacked. The amygdala does not distinguish between a physical threat and a high-stakes email. You know that feeling, when your brain treats a passive-aggressive Slack message the same way it treats being chased by a bear. When that response fires consistently, concentration narrows, decision-making deteriorates, and what follows looks a lot like disengagement, inconsistency, or low performance.

Perfectionism follows a similar pattern. It is not attention to detail. It is unrelenting high standards tied to a fear of not meeting them.

The perfectionist leader raises the bar the moment you reach it. Accepts praise for thirty seconds before cataloguing what could have been better. Sends a team into a quiet spiral of wondering whether anything will ever be enough.

The question Dr. Alicia put on the table that every leader should be sitting with: what is good enough here? Not what is perfect. What is good enough. Define it in advance and hold the line. That is not lowering your standards. That is leading with clarity instead of anxiety.

The Systems Gap Nobody Is Talking About

I shared a story in this episode from my own career involving a bipolar employee and a situation that escalated in real time with no warning, no context, and no plan. That experience made something undeniable…

Most companies have detailed procedures for fires, injuries, and physical threats. Almost none have a documented response for a mental health escalation. As Sarah put it: there are eye washing stations for every physical emergency. Nothing for the mental health ones.

That is a systems failure. And it is one you can actually close.

An Example of Good Leadership in These Moments

Nearly 1 in 4 employed mothers are back at work within two weeks of giving birth. Postpartum anxiety affects approximately 1 in 4 women. Do the math. They are in your building. They are in your meetings. And most of them are not saying a word about what they are going through.

I started looking into these numbers after someone in my community shared her story with me.

She was postpartum. Quietly navigating anxiety, depression, and burnout all at once. Her boss did not know. What he did know was that something was off. They had worked together long enough that he could feel it, he saw the red flags of overwhelm and didn’t ignore it.

So he went to her. Not with a performance conversation. Not with an HR checklist. He asked if she was okay and how he could support her.

She told him she felt like she was having trouble adjusting and was drowning, even though she’d just gotten back from maternity leave. And then she apologized for it.

He stopped her immediately. Told her there was nothing to apologize for. And told her to take the week.

When she came back, he checked in consistently and intentionally. Not in a way that hovered or reduced her. In a way that said you matter here and I want to make sure this role is working for you. He was not coddling her. He was leading her. There is a real difference here.

And if this approach sounds too soft to you, let me tell you what the alternative costs.

Employees who experience burnout are 2.6 times more likely to be actively seeking another job. When they leave, replacing them costs between 50% and 200% of their annual salary, according to SHRM, before you factor in the time the role sits open, the productivity lost while someone ramps up, and the institutional knowledge that walks out and does not come back. US businesses lose between $125 billion and $190 billion annually in healthcare costs alone due to workplace stress.

So that leader wasn’t soft. He saved a high performer, protected institutional knowledge, and reduced turnover risk.

Turns out “asking if someone is okay” has a pretty solid ROI. Who knew!

That is what ALLY leadership looks like.

3 Things You Can Do This Week

Check in with one person on your team with no agenda. Not about a project. Not about a deadline. Just ask them how you are doing and mean it. Then remember what they say and bring it back next week. Bonus points if you do not immediately follow it up with “So anyway, about that deliverable…”

Send your agenda before the meeting. It takes two minutes and it changes everything for someone who needs time to process before they can contribute.

Model rest out loud. Say it in a meeting. “I am taking Friday afternoon off and I am not checking email.” When leaders name it, it gives everyone else permission to do the same. And before you tell me you cannot do that, I promise the company will still be standing on Monday if you take a half day on Friday.

How to Apply The ALLY Framework Here

Ask. Who on my team might be navigating something I cannot see? Am I designing this environment for the loudest voices or for all of them?

Listen. Build rapport deliberately. Not as a tactic. As a genuine investment in understanding who is actually in the room with you.

Learn. Neurodiversity, anxiety, perfectionism. These are not fringe topics. They are showing up in your team every day. Knowing the basics changes how you interpret behavior and how you respond to it.

You Take Action. Reframe rest as a strategy, not a reward you grant when everything else is done. Model it. Encourage it. A restored team is not a soft outcome. It shows up in your numbers.

The Bottom Line

JPMorgan Chase found that professionals in its Autism at Work initiative made fewer errors and were 90 to 140 percent more productive than neurotypical employees.

The return on neuro-inclusion is real. The investment is justified.

But you cannot unlock that return from people you cannot see.

Dive into the full conversation with me, let me know your thoughts here in the comments, I want to know!

First, listen to the full episode here

Then, grab my Modern Leader’s Toolkit to learn five disciplines built around ALLY

The rest of this article is for paid subscribers, including the one leadership behavior that determines whether your team ever trusts you with the truth and what the research says it costs when they do not.