The Damsel in Distress and the Leader Who Stayed

Hi Leaders,

What do you do when you’re leading someone who’s talented… but difficult?

I had a woman on my team…we’ll call her Melissa. On paper, she was one of my best performers. But in practice? She made leadership hard. She came in late. She ignored the dress code. She brought the drama with her. The kind of employee where the team is watching to see: “What is the boss going to do about this?”

And that’s the situation I found myself in. If I cracked down too hard, I’d risk losing her. If I looked the other way, I’d risk losing the team.

Either choice felt like a lose-lose.

This is where so many leaders get stuck: when strength and empathy feel like they’re pulling in opposite directions. Do you hold the line? Do you give grace? Do you risk looking inconsistent?

What I discovered is that there’s a third option…and you know I’m gonna share what neuroscience has to say about it. Because what looks like “difficult” on the outside often has a predictable cause in the brain. And when you respond differently, you don’t just keep the team intact…you actually build trust in the process.

So here’s the question I want you to sit with as we dive deeper: what do you do when strength and empathy collide?