Hey Leader,
I speak at a lot of corporate events. Businesses bring me in to talk to their teams, shift culture, rally-the-troops, etc. The part that stays with me is never the stage.
At an event a few weeks back, I noticed a woman standing off to the side.
Not in the line, not holding a book to sign. She stood off to the side and let the last few people drift toward the door. Then she came over, lowered her voice, and told me what was actually going on at her job.
She was newer in a leadership role and someone on her team had decided her authority was optional and had been making that clear in front of other people. She’d raised it with her boss. She’d been told it would get handled. It hadn’t.
She was starting to wonder whether the job was worth it.
I could tell you a version of that same story from almost every event I’ve done this year. Different companies, different industries, different women, same shape.
So let’s talk about what’s actually going on there, because I don’t think it’s what most people assume.
She Wasn’t Falling Apart
The woman at that event was not falling apart. She presents to executives. She runs a team. She carries real responsibility and she carries it well. Her composure was not a performance.
But being composed in public has almost nothing to do with whether the next move is obvious in private. Those are two different skills, and we treat them like one.
What she was missing wasn’t confidence. It was direction from someone who had been at the fork in the road she was standing at.
Wanting an Outside Read Is Not Asking to Be Rescued
Executives Pay for This and Call It Advisory
She knew exactly what was being done to her. She wasn’t confused about her own judgment, and she’d already tried the thing you’re supposed to try.
What she wanted was a read from someone who had stood in that kind of room before. Executives pay for that constantly and call it advisory. Nobody who uses it is considered fragile for using it. They’re considered well advised.
Meanwhile, when I asked a group of women what leadership advice they’re sick of hearing, the most common answer was some version of “be more confident.”
“Speak up more.”
”Take up space.”
”Stop apologizing.”
”Find your voice.”
I keep a short list of women I call when I’m getting challenged and want another set of eyes before I move. The difference between me and the woman at that event isn’t confidence either.
It’s that I had a number to call before I made my move, and she didn’t.
Most of Us Are Taking It to the Wrong Room
Here’s the pattern underneath all of it. The honest version of these conversations happens in two places, between women, or with the handful of men they’ve decided they can actually trust. Almost never in the room where the decision gets made.
That’s not irrational. It’s usually an accurate read of the risk. But it means the people who could change something never hear it.
You end up doing your best thinking twenty minutes after the moment has passed.
What’s missing isn’t nerve. It’s somewhere to say the hard version out loud once, before you’re standing in the moment that counts.
Ten Thousand People Watched and the Line Still Formed
Last month I won the make the Call competition at the Global Leadership Summit.
The win isn’t what changed anything. What happened after did. Woman after woman came up to me, and every one of them was circling the same question.
“That confidence you had up there. That command of the room. Where did you get it? How do you build that? And can you teach me?”
Then my inbox filled up with more of it.
Nobody was asking me for a pep talk. They were asking for exactly what the woman at that corporate event was asking for.
So I’m doing something about it.
I’m pulling together a group of women for three live calls, the week of September 14.
Free. Just us.
Bring me what you’re actually dealing with, and I’ll bring you everything I’ve got.
I’m calling it Be That Girl.
Save your seat here. Or keep reading and I’ll tell you more about why this one matters to me.
Next Steps
That hallway conversation shouldn’t come down to whether you were willing to wait out the crowd, or whether your company happened to book me.
Remember what I said was missing? Somewhere to say the hard version out loud, before you’re standing in the moment that counts.
That’s what these three afternoons are.
More details are coming soon. For now, register so you don’t miss it.
Save your seat → https://learn.stephaniechung.com/be-that-girl
So here’s the question worth sitting with.
When was the last time you waited for the room to clear before you said the real thing, and who were you waiting on to make it safe?
Let me know in the comments.
Your Ally,
Stephanie
I would love to have known what CG and JA were thinking when you gave your answer at GLS.